I'm not sure that I'd say "recurring dream", but more accurately they are a collection; a series of surreal landscapes, devices and fantastic happenings. Everyone is completely different from the last except that the characters, plot, conflict and ending play out identically. Regardless of setting, each dream starts with me 'coming to', first person, and I am breathless. I am in a panic and urgently searching for the source of the voice that echoes through my head, always pleading, "Help me!". I push through crowds of people, dodging varying obstacles, solving ever-changing puzzles until finally I see them. I think of her as an octopus as her appearance changes every dream. I know, however, that she is the black haired lady that my mom used to tell me haunted her dreams as a child. She always has two people with her: a person I care deeply for (this person changes in each dream) and a white haired boy resembling the old black and white photos of my grandpa as a child. The person (ever changing) is tied to a chair on a high platform and gagged. The boy bound and frozen just behind the woman. She, manic and enraged, growls and laughs at me, knowing that I need to save both of her captives. I look down for the first time seeing my chest and adbdomen, a keyhole shaped portal filled with constellations, planets and cosmic light right in my torso. I am the Lock; the Keyhole. I look up, the person struggling and pleading through the gag, the boy numb, captive, but hopeful of rescue, and the woman. A ligth resonates from the boy and it hits me that he is the Key. I know that if I can rescue him, the universe will reset with perfect balance. She notices the revelation of self discovery on my face and is growing wild. I rush with everything that I have towards the three. I can't decide between the two so decide that both will be saved if she is out of the picture. I push myself towards her and in a flash, she grabs the child, swings them both towards the captive person where she slits their throat quick and vanishes in a puff of mist. The dream ends here. The next will be the same woman with a different face, a new captive loved one and the same boy. I will overcome all obstacles, rush for her and the same ending. I am always left, defeated and alone.
You Are The Key is one of many artworks that I have created over the years to depict these nightmares. Specifically it explores the placement of myself in this abyss of constellations, and the duality of my being, as both Key and Lock/Keyhole. Obviously, the space speaks for itself, a vastness of stars and planets. To integrate myself into the key and into space, I focused on designing a skeleton key of sorts, the head of the key being an abstracted Goat as I am a Capricorn and the end being in the form of the Capricorn constellation. I stuck to my usual acrylics and overlapping using water and wax resist, using a toothbrush to flick the stars onto the painting during the process.
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